new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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