so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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