Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
