dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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