I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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