I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
