btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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