I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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