We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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