ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
