Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
