i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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