i don't like sucking hair
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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