I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
