come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
