After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
