I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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