Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
