pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize