Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
