i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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