First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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