nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
