I just saw a hot homeless man
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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