please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
