I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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