She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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