Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
