We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
