So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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