a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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