Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
