Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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