chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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