He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
