I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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