i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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