We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
