Say something about gay babies.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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