so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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