I want to make a zoo with you.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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