tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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