I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just cropdusted the office
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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