you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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