He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
