I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
