ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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