You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
