Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
