dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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