I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
