I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
