You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
