The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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