I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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