I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
