No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
