y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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