why didn't you poke me back
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
