Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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