Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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