i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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