That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize