I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
