I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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